It’s Spring and what could herald the beginning of the season better than the sound of birds in song? Treetops and branches are full of male birds twittering fit to burst. Their message is simple: I’m here ladies, come and get me now. Female birds watch from a distance, skeptically. Their message is also simple: buddy if you want me, you’d better sing good.
Last October, the campus of Yale also resounded with the cacophony of males in song. The content was also sexual in nature and if it was intended to attract the attention of the females of the species it succeeded. But perhaps not the kind of attention that leads to the blossoming of romance. For the lyrics of this song were not those which cause a young woman to smile and blush shyly. This song didn’t lead to dinner. It led to a lawsuit.
Here’s what these stalwart chaps chose to serenade their female colleagues with:
No means yes!
Yes means anal!
The incident was part of the DKM fraternity “rush” process. Anxious to impress their seniors, the pledges shouted this pleasant little ditty outside the buildings housing most new female students on campus. Way to make your parents proud guys.
Looks like Tad flunked the Thor audition
The Yale women were not slow to respond. The incident formed part of a 26 page report delivered to the college authorities which also complained of a “sexually hostile environment” on campus, citing occasions when pledges had rallied outside female dorms and held up signs saying “We love Yale sluts”. In another example, a website entitled “Pre-season scouting report” rated women by the number of beers required to get them into bed. Singing the latest Michael Buble number was presumably optional.
This is serious stuff. The report described several incidents of sexual assault and the college is now under official investigation to see if allowing these activities constitutes a violation of its duty to promote fair and equal education. On the subject of the rush process, a spokesman for one of the fraternities commented that those filing the report “had a political agenda”. You can almost hear the unspoken thought: Sheesh. Lighten up ladies. Can’t you take a joke?
Well yes, we can. Perhaps at moments like this when we turn to our icons for guidance, the question a woman might ask herself is not “what would Hilary Clinton do?” but rather “what would Sarah Silverman do?” Because often the right response to an insult is not to deliver a summons, but to deliver a put down. And one so withering that the insultees will think twice before ever attempting to act that way again. In that vein, I have some suggestions that the women of Yale might wish to consider:
This is serious stuff. The report described several incidents of sexual assault and the college is now under official investigation to see if allowing these activities constitutes a violation of its duty to promote fair and equal education. On the subject of the rush process, a spokesman for one of the fraternities commented that those filing the report “had a political agenda”. You can almost hear the unspoken thought: Sheesh. Lighten up ladies. Can’t you take a joke?
Well yes, we can. Perhaps at moments like this when we turn to our icons for guidance, the question a woman might ask herself is not “what would Hilary Clinton do?” but rather “what would Sarah Silverman do?” Because often the right response to an insult is not to deliver a summons, but to deliver a put down. And one so withering that the insultees will think twice before ever attempting to act that way again. In that vein, I have some suggestions that the women of Yale might wish to consider:
We all know what Hilary would do to anyone who invited her to have anal sex
- Start a campaign called “Yale Sluts 'heart' Harvard Guys”. Invite celebrity endorsement of this campaign. Hold a slut walk through the campus with posters of the Harvard guys you think are hot.
- Set up a website called www.markzuckerbergisstillsingle.com. On this site rate the Yale freshmen according to their likelihood to die sad and alone (ie all of them)
- If this is not felt to be enough, aim below the belt. Set up another website called www.sizeofmythumbonlynotashard.com On this site rate the Yale seniors according to likely performance between the sheets. “whimpers when he climaxes” or “too dumb to find a clitoris even with a map, a torch and a compass” might be the kind of comments you could use.
And if the frats object to any of these activities your answer women of Yale is simple. Just cock an eyebrow and ask: guys, c’mon, can’t you take a joke?
